Disjointed Press, 5 March 2010
A local man has been reported as having boring conversations at his place of employment, Yaddatech.
"It's as boring as hell," he was quoted as saying, "and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. All day long, it's blah blah blah deadlines, yakkity blah TPS reports and buh buh buh deliverables. I mean, really! Who cares?"
This, sadly, represents a growing trend in corporate America. Another area man reports that office conversation is even more mundane: "I don't think I can take any more snide complaints about missing toilet paper and making sure there are exactly 150 sheets of paper in the bottom printer tray. I feel like I'm going to go crazy and TP the manager's house and then streak down his street yelling 'I'M SO FUCKING BORED!'."
Friday, March 5, 2010
Drink THIS!
I found out about the coffee party movement today. Their mission:
The Coffee Party Movement gives voice to Americans who want to see cooperation in government. We recognize that the federal government is not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will, and that we must participate in the democratic process in order to address the challenges that we face as Americans. As voters and grassroots volunteers, we will support leaders who work toward positive solutions, and hold accountable those who obstruct them.
I disagree! I exercise my right as a free being to decide whether and how much I wish to participate. My lack of participation does not give anyone else the right to step in and bully me around. I don't support any "leaders". I do NOT authorize anyone, including - in fact, least of all! - the "president" to act on my behalf.
I also disagree because as it exists today, the federal government is very much the enemy of the people. Saying it is in fact not is pulling the wool over your eyes. What they might have meant is that the federal government SHOULD not be the enemy of the people, but that does not change the fact that in current practice it is.
This movement MAY be well-intentioned, but like the vast majority of ideas in current society, COMPLETELY bypasses the root of the problems it attempts to address. In this case, at least one of the roots is the lack of acknowledgement by society that we are all free beings and have the right to live as we choose - REGARDLESS of what anyone else thinks. Put into practice, this would mean that any given individual can completely or partially opt out of ANYTHING at any time, for ANY reason. Should I decide not to participate in tax contributions, that is my right as a free being. Society is then free to decide how to handle my decision strictly on their own terms, without infringing on my rights. This means that society can decide I cannot use their roads or public transportation systems. It does not give society the right to lock me up. I didn't hurt anyone. This is a clear violation of cruel and unusual punishment laws and in fact violates the spirit and principles of the US Constitution.
I the end, my beliefs do not require the cooperation of anyone, let alone the government. But they do require that anyone who disagrees with me does me the courtesy of respecting those beliefs and at minimum, leaving me alone. Failing that, things will continue to be unpleasant for everyone, such as it is now.
The Coffee Party Movement gives voice to Americans who want to see cooperation in government. We recognize that the federal government is not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will, and that we must participate in the democratic process in order to address the challenges that we face as Americans. As voters and grassroots volunteers, we will support leaders who work toward positive solutions, and hold accountable those who obstruct them.
I disagree! I exercise my right as a free being to decide whether and how much I wish to participate. My lack of participation does not give anyone else the right to step in and bully me around. I don't support any "leaders". I do NOT authorize anyone, including - in fact, least of all! - the "president" to act on my behalf.
I also disagree because as it exists today, the federal government is very much the enemy of the people. Saying it is in fact not is pulling the wool over your eyes. What they might have meant is that the federal government SHOULD not be the enemy of the people, but that does not change the fact that in current practice it is.
This movement MAY be well-intentioned, but like the vast majority of ideas in current society, COMPLETELY bypasses the root of the problems it attempts to address. In this case, at least one of the roots is the lack of acknowledgement by society that we are all free beings and have the right to live as we choose - REGARDLESS of what anyone else thinks. Put into practice, this would mean that any given individual can completely or partially opt out of ANYTHING at any time, for ANY reason. Should I decide not to participate in tax contributions, that is my right as a free being. Society is then free to decide how to handle my decision strictly on their own terms, without infringing on my rights. This means that society can decide I cannot use their roads or public transportation systems. It does not give society the right to lock me up. I didn't hurt anyone. This is a clear violation of cruel and unusual punishment laws and in fact violates the spirit and principles of the US Constitution.
I the end, my beliefs do not require the cooperation of anyone, let alone the government. But they do require that anyone who disagrees with me does me the courtesy of respecting those beliefs and at minimum, leaving me alone. Failing that, things will continue to be unpleasant for everyone, such as it is now.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Your attitude is your own
http://askamanager.blogspot.com/2008/08/will-job-resentment-affect-references.html
I posted this comment to the above article. Since the things I say are not generally palatable to most people (the truth rarely is), I am re-posting my comment here.
I find the response to this reader both expected and disturbing. It is expected because most people cannot truly think outside of the boxes they have been living in their entire lives. It is disturbing because there is so much more to life than the relatively small boxes in which most of us live.
"I suspect your resentment is showing in more ways than just not smiling and not going to lunch." This is merely a statement of the obvious.
"Drop the resentment. Focus on the fact that you're now taking action to do something different." This is a pat anecdote. While resentment does get in the way, telling someone to "get over it" is not helpful. In fact, it continues to engender thinking inside the box. It continues this because the entire problem this person, and everyone like this person has is that the box exists. Only when these boxes - these mental prisons - are removed, can problems like this truly be solved. Only when humanity grows up and stops constantly "competing" with one another for resources will people be able to simply focus on what is important to them. Prior to this evolutionary step, most people's choices are limited to knowing what is wrong and fighting the system, or not knowing what is wrong and suffering through this for a lifetime.
Attitude is a personal choice. As long as you are doing the job, your attitude is your personal decision. Most people are not hired to smile all day. They are hired to perform tasks. If the tasks are getting done, the employer should back off. Employers harp on attitude because they are insecure and immature, and do not know how to be around people that remind them of how unhappy they themselves are. THIS IS NOT THE EMPLOYEE'S PROBLEM. This goes right back to my above point - that humanity needs to grow up.
I posted this comment to the above article. Since the things I say are not generally palatable to most people (the truth rarely is), I am re-posting my comment here.
I find the response to this reader both expected and disturbing. It is expected because most people cannot truly think outside of the boxes they have been living in their entire lives. It is disturbing because there is so much more to life than the relatively small boxes in which most of us live.
"I suspect your resentment is showing in more ways than just not smiling and not going to lunch." This is merely a statement of the obvious.
"Drop the resentment. Focus on the fact that you're now taking action to do something different." This is a pat anecdote. While resentment does get in the way, telling someone to "get over it" is not helpful. In fact, it continues to engender thinking inside the box. It continues this because the entire problem this person, and everyone like this person has is that the box exists. Only when these boxes - these mental prisons - are removed, can problems like this truly be solved. Only when humanity grows up and stops constantly "competing" with one another for resources will people be able to simply focus on what is important to them. Prior to this evolutionary step, most people's choices are limited to knowing what is wrong and fighting the system, or not knowing what is wrong and suffering through this for a lifetime.
Attitude is a personal choice. As long as you are doing the job, your attitude is your personal decision. Most people are not hired to smile all day. They are hired to perform tasks. If the tasks are getting done, the employer should back off. Employers harp on attitude because they are insecure and immature, and do not know how to be around people that remind them of how unhappy they themselves are. THIS IS NOT THE EMPLOYEE'S PROBLEM. This goes right back to my above point - that humanity needs to grow up.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Man complains nothing makes sense any more
Disjointed Press, 18 Feb 2010
A local man has been reported as claiming nothing makes sense any more. I hit the streets in search of validation of this claim.
I first came across Stephen B., who, when I asked him if he thought nothing made sense any more, said "Well, blah! I mean, dah dah dah! So of course yakkity schmakkity! Right?"
This didn't make much sense to me, so I continued interviewing people on the street. Sarah C., while not making much more sense, was at least interesting to listen to: "Gwabbity dwoobity," said Sarah, "and giffardo larb on the wungit grof. If you really pay attention, you can horbble everything you jopplitz."
And people like Sarah are not alone in this belief. Even Taylor P., a professor of linguistics, said: "Dab grabbnit, ya vowlanam! I've been shorbbling my whole life and I still can't jaheeby flammits half the time!"
So there you have it, folks. Things indeed do not make sense any more, and it looks like it will get worse before it gets better.
A local man has been reported as claiming nothing makes sense any more. I hit the streets in search of validation of this claim.
I first came across Stephen B., who, when I asked him if he thought nothing made sense any more, said "Well, blah! I mean, dah dah dah! So of course yakkity schmakkity! Right?"
This didn't make much sense to me, so I continued interviewing people on the street. Sarah C., while not making much more sense, was at least interesting to listen to: "Gwabbity dwoobity," said Sarah, "and giffardo larb on the wungit grof. If you really pay attention, you can horbble everything you jopplitz."
And people like Sarah are not alone in this belief. Even Taylor P., a professor of linguistics, said: "Dab grabbnit, ya vowlanam! I've been shorbbling my whole life and I still can't jaheeby flammits half the time!"
So there you have it, folks. Things indeed do not make sense any more, and it looks like it will get worse before it gets better.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
POSTMANTERRORISM
My dad emailed me this poem yesterday. It describes how I feel much of the time. I think he feels the same way.
POSTMANTERRORISM
by Nick Lantz
Would it make a difference to say we suffered
from affluenza in those days? Could we blame
Reaganomics, advertainment, the turducken
and televangelism we swallowed by the sporkful,
all that brunch and Jazzercise, Frappuccinos
we guzzled on the Seatac tarmac, sexcellent
celebutantes we ogled with camcorders while
our imagineers simulcast the administrivia
of our alarmaggedon across the glocal village?
Would it help to say that we misunderestimated
the effects of Frankenfood and mutagenic smog
to speculate that amid all our infornography
and anticipointment, some crisitunity slumbered
unnoticed in a roadside motel? Does it count
for nothing that we are now willing to admit
that the animatronic monster slouching across
the soundstage of our tragicomic docusoap
was only a distraction? Because now, for all our
gerrymandering, the anecdata won't line up for us.
When we saw those contrails cleaving the sky
above us, we couldn't make out their beginning
or their end. What, in those long hours of ash,
could our appletinis tell us of good or of evil?
POSTMANTERRORISM
by Nick Lantz
Would it make a difference to say we suffered
from affluenza in those days? Could we blame
Reaganomics, advertainment, the turducken
and televangelism we swallowed by the sporkful,
all that brunch and Jazzercise, Frappuccinos
we guzzled on the Seatac tarmac, sexcellent
celebutantes we ogled with camcorders while
our imagineers simulcast the administrivia
of our alarmaggedon across the glocal village?
Would it help to say that we misunderestimated
the effects of Frankenfood and mutagenic smog
to speculate that amid all our infornography
and anticipointment, some crisitunity slumbered
unnoticed in a roadside motel? Does it count
for nothing that we are now willing to admit
that the animatronic monster slouching across
the soundstage of our tragicomic docusoap
was only a distraction? Because now, for all our
gerrymandering, the anecdata won't line up for us.
When we saw those contrails cleaving the sky
above us, we couldn't make out their beginning
or their end. What, in those long hours of ash,
could our appletinis tell us of good or of evil?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Feral human colonies
Someone posted a note on Facebook. I've parodied it. I could not resist.
Thank you for sharing your opinion on the topic of feral human colonies and how you feel they should be handled in Baltimore County. We have chosen to follow the advice of the American Medical Association (AMA) and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC). These organizations warn against the risks associated with feral human colonies. One key facet of Department of Public Health is to protect Baltimore County from stupidity. Feral human feeding stations are seen as an artificial food source and reservoir for stupidity transmission, contributing to the spread of stupidity and other
diseases by attracting other stupid humans to mingle with humans at the food source. Morons are uncontrolled in the wild in Baltimore County. Feeding stations also attract idiots, causing a major community health problem.
We don't favor feral human colonies, because it is impossible to make sure that all humans receive annual vaccinations when living in feral colonies. In counties with an active stupidity threat such as Baltimore County, to educate a human once against stupidity is NOT sufficient.
The City of Los Angeles recently suspended their trap-brainwash-release policy, following the issuance of a court injunction as the result of a lawsuit by the Zeitgeist Movement and other freedom and enlightenment groups, who felt that the TBR program was responsible for greater numbers of stupid deaths in society. In the face of this sort of crossfire, we find it best to avoid the problem by not encouraging feral human colonies in the first place.
Humans are the domestic animal most commonly reported stupid according to the Centers for Disease Control. The Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene reports that 900 Marylanders receive treatment annually after exposure to stupid or potentially stupid humans.
The Baltimore County Department of Health believes in emphasizing the prevention of abandonment of reason and logic, which is the cause of the feral human problem. The Department works toward this goal in many ways to encourage responsible human activity, cultivate a strong bond between humans, and assure access to affordable education services. Our enforcement activities include driver licensing, "Humans at Large" laws and a licensing incentive that rewards education and citizenship. The Department also partners closely with human rescue organizations, which has significantly reduced insanity and increased "rehoming" of humans.
Thank You for sharing your thoughts.
Dr. Branch
Dr. Gregory Wm. Branch
Baltimore County Department of Health
You don't need no stinking budget
I was browsing the county rag last night and as usual, I wanted to slap a lot of people silly for being silly. In this case, there was an article about how the snow could not be handled as well as it could have been because of budget issues.
Humans are the laughing stock of the universe.
Snow doesn't give a shit about money. It falls and that is that. Deal with it! It's nothing but beneficial to everyone to stop thinking about money when natural events occur. It even benefits your stupid little money. If 3 feet of snow falls and people don't have "money" to deal with it, businesses lose business. Ergo, gas stations should donate, free of charge, the gas to plows and spreaders, which were loaned free of charge from whoever has 'em. Once the roads are clear, people can drive (and do other stupid things humans normally do) and businesses get business.
In the wee hours of the morning, during which I'm sometimes awake for a bit after taking a wee and I can't get back to sleep right away, I decided to write about budgets in general and what it all means - and sounds like - to me.
Budget: Blah!
Yesterday, blah blah blah budget blahs. I was really yakkity schmakkity blah! So I decided to yadda yadda yadda yadda badda bing blah de boo. This is ya de blah, naturally.
I yappity schmappity bappity bippity boppity boo, only to flakkity blakkity dah. Said Steve, a local hakkity-wah: "This is all arggity blarggity. I mean, blah blah blah iggity biggity. Who blargs, anyway?"
And people like Steve floopty bloopty blah. Time are hard and obbity bobbity - schmibbity wibbity blah. Take, for instance, yamma yamma yamma yamma yah-meh. Seriously, does anyone blarf de larf de har-de-har-har?
In conclusion, worble de gorble, and hunny punny funny blah. Only YOU can forblah.
Humans are the laughing stock of the universe.
Snow doesn't give a shit about money. It falls and that is that. Deal with it! It's nothing but beneficial to everyone to stop thinking about money when natural events occur. It even benefits your stupid little money. If 3 feet of snow falls and people don't have "money" to deal with it, businesses lose business. Ergo, gas stations should donate, free of charge, the gas to plows and spreaders, which were loaned free of charge from whoever has 'em. Once the roads are clear, people can drive (and do other stupid things humans normally do) and businesses get business.
In the wee hours of the morning, during which I'm sometimes awake for a bit after taking a wee and I can't get back to sleep right away, I decided to write about budgets in general and what it all means - and sounds like - to me.
Budget: Blah!
Yesterday, blah blah blah budget blahs. I was really yakkity schmakkity blah! So I decided to yadda yadda yadda yadda badda bing blah de boo. This is ya de blah, naturally.
I yappity schmappity bappity bippity boppity boo, only to flakkity blakkity dah. Said Steve, a local hakkity-wah: "This is all arggity blarggity. I mean, blah blah blah iggity biggity. Who blargs, anyway?"
And people like Steve floopty bloopty blah. Time are hard and obbity bobbity - schmibbity wibbity blah. Take, for instance, yamma yamma yamma yamma yah-meh. Seriously, does anyone blarf de larf de har-de-har-har?
In conclusion, worble de gorble, and hunny punny funny blah. Only YOU can forblah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
